Here are a few suggestions to help you get the most from your kids while respecting their needs and wishes.
Set reasonable goals and expectations
A positive first step is to evaluate your child’s capacity to understand your needs, and his or her ability to comply with your requests. When you have a good handle on what your child can do, you can set reasonable goals and expectations.
Affirm and reaffirm that cooperation and help are essential to the family; that without the child, things just couldn’t work as well.
Impart a sense of responsibility
Try to help your child understand why you need something from him or her.
Impart a sense of each family member’s responsibility to give and take.
Be firm and explain exactly what you want from the child.
Try to avoid an apologetic tone of voice, though compassion and understanding should always come through.
Try to help your child express himself or herself and tell him or her you value these concerns. It’s sometimes hard to view a situation from a child’s point of view, but it’s important to try. Children may not be able to tell you exactly what they need, but they may tell you how they feel. Remember to observe their behavior to recognize if they have some gap, which you can fill for them. Then offer to do so.
Include them in the decision-making process and work with them to solve problems.